So, school's been eating me alive, especially as I'm trying to balance my treatments with classes.

But I realized that I was becoming depressed and isolated and, frankly, needed my online time. (Among other things.)

So not only am I back posting but--because I'm finally able to--I am reading my FList as of today on my DW and LJ. I may miss an entry here or there, but yes, I'm reading it.

I'll be even better with it come November; that's when Walmart's optical center starts offering anti-blue light coating on lenses for glasses. Which turns out to be exactly what I need to be able to read things like my FList without the problems I've been having.

(If you don't know about the problems of too much blue light, which every screen (computer, TV, smart phone, etc) produces, let me know and I'll write a post about it, and the health problems it causes.)

I'm also back to writing fanfic. And RP--Steph, I'm so sorry, I had a migraine and then die-off that was bad enough I literally couldn't move. First thing tomorrow, tagging you.

And I'll be unlocking my fic entries here, as well as linking to all of them, as I post them, on AO3.

So! What have I missed? What's up with all of you? Share things!
30 August 2015 @ 05:40 am
Giveaway ends in 4 days, I believe.

Enter here.
15 June 2015 @ 12:40 am
But right now, I'd like to express my love for [personal profile] tawnyport/[personal profile] sarawise.

Thank you for being there for me.

(Others of you are here and have been here for me too. Please don't think I'm ignoring that. I just wanted to let her know I have great love for her.)
14 June 2015 @ 09:36 pm
Right now, you can get a free $5 gift card for Amazon. How? Download either the IOS (for ipad or iphone) or Android Amazon shopping app and log in with your account for the first time. Sadly, if you've logged in before, you don't qualify--but there is not technically a rule against having two Amazon accounts, if you were to, say, make a new one!

More info available here.

Offer good until June 21st.

ETA: You can download the app on to a Kindle, not just an Android phone.
13 June 2015 @ 02:05 pm
Hello, true believers! Kat here, contributing to your bank account.

I've set up a gallery system at

So how does it work?

First, you need to know the code you'll use, so here's a mini-tutorial.

When you are starting to make a post OR a comment, the FIRST THING you put in is this:

[IMG SRC="whatever" ALIGN="left" HSPACE="10" VSPACE="10" STYLE="BORDER:2px solid black;"]

Obviously, the brackets are swapped for arrows.

What will it looks like? Something like this:

And the text will be next to it, rather than beneath it. As with any image, you can add a border to the icon if you like and choose to insert it into the above code. I've put the html for a border into the above code, as I personally like the look. I think it makes the icon look more formal, sets it off a bit.

But what about image hosting? Sadly, you can't register yourself with the gallery--but I'll take care of that for you.

If you're interested? Comment here with the following information:
- your email address
- what you want for a username
- the names of EVERY account--not the character, the ACCOUNT name--that you'll be using this with, and the game that each account belongs to; I'm keeping the folders in the gallery organized.

I'll set it up and send you an email with a pre-set password. Once you login, you can change it.

Also, this brings up the question: what about the default icon? It can be a bit jarring to have two icons in one place. So there will be an album labelled Game Icons; a link to it will be included in your email. You can download the appropriate one.

In my case, I plan to use one for the account [personal profile] just_a_phase with Kitty Pryde's name, a divider, then her codename. (See here.)  I suggest this as the most pleasant-looking option.

I'm making an icon that can be used as a default one for every game that has a player hosting images in an album.

You may also upload images that include profile banners or game-related images, but I ask you, please, to only use things for that.

You may also use this for your own personal journals, but  I need to know a) that it is for a personal journal and b) all the other information listed for RP accounts, minus what game the journal goes to.

Please note: there will be a paypal donation button on the main page.  If you should wish to donate a small sum, no more EVER than $5 would I feel comfortable with, in order to help with hosting costs, it is appreciated.  IT IS NOT IN ANY WAY REQUIRED. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY OR LIKE YOU SHOULD NOT ASK TO USE THIS IF YOU DO NOT PLAN OR ARE UNABLE TO DONATE. MY GOAL IS TO HELP YOU SAVE MONEY.

If I didn't have a fight with you in the last few weeks, you're probably not what set off my last post.

So chill. The one who did KNOWS his/her identity. If you're only worrying, it ain't you.
11 June 2015 @ 12:03 pm
 I love Joni Mitchell. I do. 

And it it breaks my heart this has happened to her:

That said, I don't wake up a single day without being aware that it could happen to me before I go to bed that night.

So no more tolerating being slammed on the Internet. I have enough to deal with without also having people gossip about me for one side of the story.

You don't like how I interacted with someone? I'll produce and post the screen caps of the interaction. I'll also tell you who helped edit and write the emails from my side, after in one case telling me about the other person, "S/he is not reading what you're writing." I never bothered before, but a therapist pointed out I've been protecting someone who in no way was willing to do that for me.

The words used by the therapist were, "threw you to the dogs". 

Oh, wait; I'm supposed to be quiet about everything? Public and locked posts were made about me, but I'm supposed to keep my mouth shut?

 I have been lied to and about, dropped as a friend, had promises repeatedly broken, and the few people who were aware of everything never said a word. Some of them for good reasons. Some for crappy ones.  

But don't you dare tell me I should be quiet because I'll just stir things up again. You wouldn't stand up for me, by God and all his angels, do not ever tell me I don't have the right to stand up for myself.

And if I have to show screen caps of every conversation I still have a record of in the process, I will.

if you don't like it, consider your own actions, if any, that might be relevant to what you believe I'm talking about before you dare talk to me.

i stopped being a Catholic because of the church and how it treated me. But a damned good portion of what drove me from Christianity was the behavior of so called Christians online.  

You don't get to judge me until you hear both sides.

Do I plan, at this moment, to do anything more in particular?


But I have plans in case I have to.

That is a statement, not a threat. I don't bother with threats. I've been blackmailed and that's too close.

Just be aware. I'm done putting up with shit online. I'm done not responding to posts.

Im not perfect. But I saved enough records, just in case, to show what did happen in various cases. 
$20 + whatever cost of shipping for 8.5 lbs from me to you is.

Slightly superficial scratches on the board on the left top, has no affect on the functionality at all; I kept a cover over it and never noticed once they were there until I took it off.

Willing to SLIGHTLY negotiate the price.

Comment or email if interested. :)
  This is me being cute and hopeful.

If you want to email me rather than comment, email is .

If I get no responses, I may message some of you I think likely to go and ask if you might help out; I know I update rarely, and I know from being told that people as a result often miss my updates.  
20 April 2015 @ 07:07 pm
 have spent the day emailing five people about either rp or one of the four shows I'm enjoying. 

Also dealt with being unable to see out of my right eye and had  swollen fingers. Plus, had a suggestion for my next cosplay costume. Steph may guess who it is. And Kate. 

But overall I want to see out of both eyes clearly. Though the right eye is better. 
 AJ is awesome and has written me, like, three Frank/Nancy stories, so I repay her with one.  That I have a feeling is going to be a bit, um, long.  But that's okay.

Title: The Risk to Bloom

Pairing: Frank Hardy/Nancy Drew

Summary: A case requires an older Nancy and Frank to once again pose as a married couple.  But this time there’s no Bess nor Joe to be distractions, and the nature of the case itself helps bring feelings that have been long-buried to the surface again.  Sometimes you have to accept that doing what’s best for you might hurt someone else...and you have to do it anyway.


* ~ * ~ *


And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

-- Anaïs Nin

* ~ * ~ *
27 October 2014 @ 02:58 pm
 Went to campus early to have time to visit the nurse, as I felt really rotten. 
She informed me that I was--and still am--running a fever over 101 degrees. 
I managed to make it through the first of my two classes today, despite that. When it ended, the professor looked at me and told me to go home and sleep. 
Who am I to argue with a sister?
Today is so fired. 

The man who lived beneath me at my last place went trash-picking regularly. He'd find wonderful things, and anything rose-related he would give me. I made him take money for some things, though, and for this mirror I gave him $10. I'm using "Lagoon" colored paint to color it turquoise, and I adore the roses in the frame. It still needs a second coat and sealant, but I wanted to show it off.

Unfortunately, when my mother visited last week she stepped on it while it was drying and broke the actual mirror. But it's easily replaced, and mom has offered to pay to have one cut to the right size. So I'm not exactly upset.

The actual color is closer to that in the first picture than the second.

Still needs a second coat and sealant.  This picture is much more accurate, color-wise, than the other.
Still needs a second coat and sealant. This picture is much more accurate, color-wise, than the other.

A picture to see the pattern of the frame better.  The color is closer to how it looks in the other picture, however.
A picture to see the pattern of the frame better. The color is closer to how it looks in the other picture, however.
So, what do you think?  Anyone?
Title: The Uneasy Path
Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia (Books)
Series: The Harder Choice, The Greater Reward
Rating: T – changed due to future discussion of serious topics that might not be appropriate for those under the age of 13
Word Count: To be added later.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. I make no money. I write out of love only, and I hope I don't make Lewis roll over too many times in his grave.
Notes: I apologize for the extreme delay; my various treatments for my health problems are as bad as the diseases themselves, really, and they've been very hard one me. On top of that, my insurance is using dirty tactics to try and deny paying for parts of it. Real life, by necessity and sanity, must come first, but I promise this story will be finished. I now have a regular update schedule. :D
Other Parts | Table of Contents:
Distant Prologue: The Little Hellcat of the North*
Immediate Prologue: The Balance of Justice and Mercy*
Chapter 01: What Happened in Caspian's Cabin
Chapter 02: Lucy and Caspian Discuss the Choice
Chapter 03: The Discussion of Two Kings
Chapter 04: The Parting at the Edge of the Sea

Chapter 05: What Happened In The Queen's Cabin <--NEW 
Chapter 06: Edmund and the Painting <--NEW
Chapter 07: The Return to Ramandu's Island

* Both The Little Hellcat of the North and The Balance of Justice and Mercy can also be viewed as stand-alones; The Little Hellcat of the North is part of my Myths of Narnia series, which I will write more of. This one is the Calormene's version of the defeat of the White Witch, as well as a Calormene Lord coming to the Cair to court the youngest queen, and what happens.
Tags: ,
30 August 2014 @ 04:28 pm
Trying to update more. Trying to read my flist more, too, though updating more I'm trying to first.

Found a few people on LJ and here both had been accidentally unfriended and fixed that, so I've some to fix yet. I plan to do so if over time.

It took me a while to realize why, really, I'd stopped updating. Mostly because my reputation was trashed by some with untrue things--even though some who did the trashing believed it to be true, I'm sure, so no blame nor accusation of lying meant--and most of those who knew the truth didn't say it. Some people who'd called me one of their dearest friends stopped speaking to me and, in some cases, flat out lied to me, and despite my hurt and anger, I missed them all the while.

I still miss most of those people. From both groups. I'd still be friends with most of them again, if they'd with me--truly with me--but my heart and soul are both much more callused than once they were.

So after all that, being kept informed by more than one that gossiping was being said about me behind my back yet, and after going through various mixes of anti-depressants, I stopped. Stopped updating. Stopped reading.

Didn't stop crying or wishing, but that was the work that seemed much more important than blogging.

So, here I am. Back...back in the way I first approached LJ and DW and such, I hope.

We will see how it goes. If those I've refriended and will yet refriend do the same to me. Talk to me. I'd like them--you--to.

For the rest, we'll see.

I've no time to waste on lies or those who say they love me and call me friend and ignore me for bouts on end, or any such.

I literally don't.

But I've all the time in the world for forgiveness and love and reconciliation and friendship.

I'd like to hope that all you do too.

Current email:
19 August 2014 @ 03:27 pm has some awesome deals today. Go check them out! (No, I make nothing if you buy these things. You just save money. Which, y'know, always rocks.)
Are you aware of AmazonSmile?

Located at (in case for some reason you can't the embedded link), it allows you to support one of any number of charities every time you shop at Amazon.

The first time you go to the site, you choose the charity you want to support from a huge list. (You can change the charity to another at any time.) Every time you shop at Amazon, the company will make a donation to the charity of your choice--IF you go to instead of simply The two sites are identical, but starting at the AmazonSmile url is what triggers the site to make the donation. If you go to just Amazon, no donation will be made.

This costs you absolutely nothing extra. It just requires you to type in five extra characters--six if you count the period--when you type in the web address to start shopping.

(And, yeah--if you want to help me and use my affiliate link, I believe I can connect it to AmazonSmile pages, including the very first page/main AmazonSmile page, meaning anything you buy on that visit is associated with my affiliate account. Or I can directly link you, which is a little less risky, to the pages of the items you want, with the smile subdomain included in my affiliate link to the item(s) page(s). Just contact me and let me know when you're shopping and I will get back to you with either my affiliate link to the main site page, or to the item(s) page(s) for what you're buying. The latter preferred, grateful if you contact me about either.)

The above paragraph aside: this is something that costs you really nothing, like using an Amazon Affiliate link. And it helps one of many charities, and you can choose which ones, as I said, and always change the one you have Amazon donate to.

I hope all of you use this in the future.

If anything here is unclear, email me ( or comment here, and I'll do my best to explain it better.
20 June 2014 @ 01:37 pm

“How bitter were
the Prozac pills
of the last
few hundred mornings”
- Leonard Cohen, Book of Longing

Today I think I'm going to die.

It started with a nose-bleed.  Nothing I thought about much; easy enough to deal with.

Two hours later I'm being rushed to the doctor's office, covered in blood, because I've just thrown up a toilet-bowl's worth of life's precious liquid.

The taste is still in my mouth.  The stench won't leave my nose.

I think that I might actually be dying, and for a moment, I'm not even sure how I feel about it.


Turn out it's a reaction to a medication.  Dried out some blood vessels in my nose, which burst; blood ran down my throat in my sleep.  The nose-bleed was just the first sign.

There is relief, but there is exasperation, too; I am so very tired of taking poisons to try and extend my life and improve my life just a little bit more, a little bit longer.

FDR survived polio and became president, I tell myself, so I can survive this.

It's become a mantra.  I'm obsessive about reminding myself of this.

But I don't always believe it, I have to admit.

My doctor had me giving myself shots with insulin needles.  Shots of magnesium.

Except I hit a blood vein by accident one day.  The magnesium strips all the flesh from the vein; everything becomes necrotic, but it's under the skin.

I can't even see the problem.

So it takes a while, until I find myself in a wound clinic. They've numbed my leg and are cutting, cutting, cutting away dead flesh, dead skin, dead fat, and by the time they are done it the hold is so large you could put a golf ball in it.

It looks like a zombie took a bite out of me, I find myself thinking, and I know I'm a little bit in shock as I stare at the hole in my leg and my father helps me walk best I can to the car.

It's not so bad until the numbness wears off.


Then I start to cry and grit my teeth so I don't scream.

I refuse to scream.

If I could keep the tears in, I would; my eyes are squeezed so tightly shut it hurts, but they insist on coming out anyway.

I am a slim woman who has such inflammation she's gained over fifty pounds that she can't lose with exercise.  Only treating the inflammation will do that.

And I understand.  I accept.

But I feel so ugly every time I look in the mirror that I want to sob.

I want my life back.

I'm on so many medications that make my already-pale skin sensitive that no matter the time of year, I must wear sun block to go outside.

I sometimes forget if I'm going out for just a few moments; I burn as a result, and I can blame no one except myself.

The medications I take eat away at my stomach.  I call them poisons, and they are; they poison the disease.

They just poison me too.

I just want my health.  I want my life.

Why is this so much to ask for?

At one point my hair started falling out.

It's grown back.  But it was one more thing; the illness is no longer so invisible.

I wish it was again, even if it meant fights with people who didn't believe me.

I didn't hate myself or my own reflection so much, then, at least.

That was better.

[Words: 597]


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