I went yesterday to a specialist about endometriosis. He believes he can do a great deal for me and do it via surgery.

They're treating it like cancerous tumors and going in to remove every part of it. I'll be in the hospital at least two days and one night, depending on how I recover.

Parts of my body--like, oh, my bladder--will require reconstructive surgery afterward. They'll put an IUD in to stop all my periods, so the endometriosis does not get worse again; the IUD alone will cost $805. In the meantime with stuff, I'll have catheters and other fun things.

There is a chance they'll remove my uterus.

I can't really get past that part to write any more. I keep trying, and I've been staring at it, and I just. I can't.

(Oh, and also, I'm totally broke, yay me, and my desktop just went crazy and needs to be taken to be fixed. I may lose everything on it. Go team Kat!)

I feel very alone. I don't know how to deal with any of this. I wish I felt like there were more people there for me, as grateful as I am that the people who ARE there for me are, well, here.

I don't think I've ever felt this scared or alone in my life. I wish...I wish a lot of things. I wish the people who've said they care about me and are my friends would act like it. I wish I wasn't so scared. And I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this.

But wishes are only wishes. So.

I guess I have to deal with what is instead.

Even if it sucks.

...Right now, if you care about me, it wouldn't hurt to comment and let me know it. Because I don't feel very strong at all, and I freely admit it.